Opening Up

Its funny to imagine my new blog post is me opening up to complete strangers, but i suppose that will give you all some insight upon my paradox of a mind. Thus the curse of a gemini. A lot of you really don't understand why i am the way i am. If you need a history lesson go to previous posts. Every holiday season i get a little antsy and unsettled, because i am reminded of the family i lost. The Family i lost referring to my planned family with the last man i was in a relationship with. That which is no longer possible because of my transgressions, no i did not cheat. Transgressions i am not willing to discuss. However as i stated i did not cheat, i never cheated, and i am completely against adultery. If you are in a committed relationship and are not happy leave said relationship. Moving forward some of you may roll your eyes and say " He's only **. He has no idea what love is. However i know, i thought i knew what love was until i was about 19 and i met the man of my dreams. He has forever changed who i am. For better or for worse, ( that is still yet to be determined) i would take a bullet for this man. I value his life over mine. If you have never felt this passion before i am sorry, but also at the same time i am envious of you because love can be your greatest ally or it can be your greatest foe. It can be such a great force it can destroy you from the inside. What i want to say as the holidays get extremely close is i will not be celebrating said holidays as it just reminds me of things i could've had, and i messed up. I will, for the first time, publicly acknowledge that i messed up. But if you are in relationship and you are wondering if you still love this person, or you may find them annoying, or "falling out of love" and you want to end it, just know this. I once too felt all these things and i would give whatever i had to offer to just enjoy his random phone calls while he was at work to just talk because he missed my voice, and missed me. At the time i found these 9 phone calls a day to be annoying and now i miss them so bad it aches. Never go a day without something you can't stop thinking about. You never know what you have till its gone and i am living, standing, breathing proof of that. Idk how long i will leave this up, so take what i have to say into consideration, and i hope you all enjoy your holidays. <3 <3